Well my friends, I finally got to do a couple of Crossfit WODs. And let's just say.....I'm exhausted. Friday night, Phoenix had to work late. So I decided that I was not going to sit at home and wait for him. So I texted Mel, and decided to go for Friday's night class.
3 rounds for time:
3 Power Cleans
3 Front Squats
50 Double Unders
I knew going into this that it was not going to be the prettiest workout. Squats (especially Front squats) have been a weakness of mine. Power cleans and deadlifts I was not worried about. I ended up using 52# for the lifts. I know that I could have done more on the power cleans and deadlifts, but stupid front squats. I looked back, and 2 years ago I could do 100# on front squat, and now....half that. Kind of depressing. I had to substitute 2x for the double unders, but I finished in a decent time of 5:47. I didn't have to do any burpee penalties because I didn't let go of the bar. I was determined not to!
Saturday comes, and I am sore. It was a struggle to get out of bed. But I did. This workout was not fun. I did enjoy Friday's workout, but today. Ug. I really really did not like it at all. It wasn't that bad. I just came close to throwing up several times. And my legs were like jello.
In 12 minutes with a partner (completing everything together with no separating out reps)
30 air squats
100m shuttle run
15 push ups
100m shuttle run
My partner and I were only able to complete 3 full sets.
Reading it, it isn't a difficult workout. I was having so many problems with the squats, and then combined with the extreme nausea....it just wasn't happening. :( I had to scale back the squats to 15 during my last set. I am sure that 98% of this was mental, but I just couldn't get it together.
After examining these past two workouts, I am left with conflicting emotions. I missed the training so much, but I feel like I am back at square one. True, I haven't been training in two years, but still is hard to see how much I have regressed. I hate feeling like the worst, and I am surrounded by all these women who are so much tinier than I am, and I feel like the fat kid back in elementary school. I have to keep reminding myself that I lost over 30 pounds over a year ago, and have kept every bit of that off. But I feel like I am at a crossroads. I want so much to come back, but I feel like I have no self confidence in myself. I truly hate not being good at something, and well....I am right back to where I started. And all my CF friends remember how good I used to be, and where I am now is no where near where I was back then. I feel that when I start coming back there will be added pressure on me to preform to where I was, not where I am now. I am just so conflicted. I want to go, but absolutely hate scaling back reps and weight because it makes me feel not good enough. Again, I know this is all mental, but it is hard to get through those emotions. And on top of everything else I have going on, it just seems like too much and I don't know what to do or where to go. :(