Saturday, March 19, 2011

It's Been A Long Time Coming!

Well my friends, I finally got to do a couple of Crossfit WODs. And let's just say.....I'm exhausted. Friday night, Phoenix had to work late. So I decided that I was not going to sit at home and wait for him. So I texted Mel, and decided to go for Friday's night class.

3 rounds for time:
3 Power Cleans
3 Front Squats
3 Deadlifts
50 Double Unders

I knew going into this that it was not going to be the prettiest workout. Squats (especially Front squats) have been a weakness of mine. Power cleans and deadlifts I was not worried about. I ended up using 52# for the lifts. I know that I could have done more on the power cleans and deadlifts, but stupid front squats. I looked back, and 2 years ago I could do 100# on front squat, and now....half that. Kind of depressing. I had to substitute 2x for the double unders, but I finished in a decent time of 5:47. I didn't have to do any burpee penalties because I didn't let go of the bar. I was determined not to!

Saturday comes, and I am sore. It was a struggle to get out of bed. But I did. This workout was not fun. I did enjoy Friday's workout, but today. Ug. I really really did not like it at all. It wasn't that bad. I just came close to throwing up several times. And my legs were like jello.

In 12 minutes with a partner (completing everything together with no separating out reps)
30 air squats
100m shuttle run
15 push ups
100m shuttle run

My partner and I were only able to complete 3 full sets.

Reading it, it isn't a difficult workout. I was having so many problems with the squats, and then combined with the extreme just wasn't happening. :( I had to scale back the squats to 15 during my last set. I am sure that 98% of this was mental, but I just couldn't get it together.

After examining these past two workouts, I am left with conflicting emotions. I missed the training so much, but I feel like I am back at square one. True, I haven't been training in two years, but still is hard to see how much I have regressed. I hate feeling like the worst, and I am surrounded by all these women who are so much tinier than I am, and I feel like the fat kid back in elementary school. I have to keep reminding myself that I lost over 30 pounds over a year ago, and have kept every bit of that off. But I feel like I am at a crossroads. I want so much to come back, but I feel like I have no self confidence in myself. I truly hate not being good at something, and well....I am right back to where I started. And all my CF friends remember how good I used to be, and where I am now is no where near where I was back then. I feel that when I start coming back there will be added pressure on me to preform to where I was, not where I am now. I am just so conflicted. I want to go, but absolutely hate scaling back reps and weight because it makes me feel not good enough. Again, I know this is all mental, but it is hard to get through those emotions. And on top of everything else I have going on, it just seems like too much and I don't know what to do or where to go. :(


  1. Amy, I am so proud of you for going in there and completing two WODs!! And remember, the WODs that look "easy" on paper are usually the worst ones! I love how you analyzed your experiences afterward, but girl, you HAVE to stop comparing yourself with other athletes. That's neither productive nor logical. Go to watch Regionals with me, and you will see how female crossfitters come in all different shapes and sizes. I totally understand your feelings of frustration and self-doubt, but please, silence those negative thoughts and emotions! Just three weeks out of CF caused me to have to use a band on my pull-ups when I returned and had to do double Fran! I definitely felt humbled and more than a little annoyed at myself, but you know what, it motivated me to keep going back to improve because I know what I'm capable of and where I want to be. The coaches have your back 100%, and Mel and I support you 110%! We know you can do it, girl, but you have to believe in yourself and look only at yourself. You finished two really tough WODs! I had a colleague go to the free WOD with me on a Saturday, and she couldn't even do the actual workout. The 800m warm-up run wiped her out. Keep your pretty chin up, girl! You have approached this the exact right way: you DIVED RIGHT BACK IN! You can do this. Love you and hope to see you very soon!

  2. Thanks Carrie. My rational logical side is saying one thing and the other crazy side is saying something different. Silencing those other feelings can be hard, but I have to do it. I know in the past, I would only go to workouts that I knew I could complete. I would skip ones that I believed I would fail at....(like running two miles).

    But I know that I need to keep going to get better. I just don't know how to ask to do substitutions so I can finish and feel good about it. I am very proud that I can do the warm up run and it not take everything out of me. I could not do that at CFDC. But at Deep, I can run the entire warm up run and still be able to do the workout, or at least parts of it. :)

    I hope to see you soon! I am talking to Koy and I am trying to figure up some way to pay for the 10 class card. :) Maybe Phoenix will pay for it....:)

    And graduation is coming up soon! Phoenix and I are going to try to plan a party if you want to come. :)